The Voice
Everyone has it, but it's not often spoken about. It's the voice inside your head which can either bring you confidence, or the complete opposite. It's inevitable, but are you addressing it? Or pretending it's not there?
We were sitting on the couch one night after dinner deciding what to watch and ended up choosing Nick Kroll's stand up, Little Big Boy. Hands down hilarious btw, highly recommend. But he does an amazing bit where he speaks about the voice inside your head and how it can be extremely harsh, considering this voice knows you, and "your faults," probably better than anyone else. What I found so relateable though, is that this voice is yes, 100% controlled by you, and is infact part of your inner voice. Yet somehow, it's portrayed like an evil twin, the devil on your shoulder, or your undercover alter ego. I was extremely concious of my inner voice after watching Nick Kroll's stand-up, but also once finally accepting my new job.
It was the job I rated the highest on all the portential jobs I was in the process of interviewing for, yet somehow once I got it, I experienced some mild panic.
"What if I'm actually extremely underqualified for this role?"
"What if the work/life balance is actually really bad?"
"Maybe I'd be better off in a feild more like my last job?"
All of these imposter syndrome-like thoughts circled in my head and really, it's a shame. I've since gotten past those thoughts and converted them all to excitement instead but that's not always easy. For example, this new job is outside of advertising and outside of a creative field, so there is definitely a fear of the unknown sprinkled in. But I reminded myself that before being let go from my last job: this is what I wanted, this is what I was looking for, this is why I applied to that job.
So do we have to fight with the voice in our heads or can we all just get along?
Why is self-doubt becoming more frequent now, more than ever? I remember when I was young, getting my first job in a mall, I wasn't second guessing my qualifications. I was still confident that someday I would make a living photographing surfers in California.
Does it come down to being young and naive? Since I was sixteen and had never experiened being laid off, I had no ifs ands or buts to worry about. Including financial factors like still living with my parents, so this retail-mall-job was just for spending money and not cost of living.
Does it come down to hearing ghost stories? And by that I mean social media, particularly Linkedin for the professional tales of:
"I was given a verbal offer and then on my first day they told me they were switching directions."
"I was working at X for 10 years and then woke up this morning to horrible news."
"Working from home while being a mom is a blessing in disguise"
Things like the above and more, but sometimes they're posted from your friends, colleagues both current or past, and sometimes they're ghost stories: people reposting things that they saw from someone else who may or may not have been the original poster. Remember chain mail back when emails first became a thing? Are we really going down that road again?
There's lots of unanswered questions in this blog post and it may remain that way. But I think overall, our evil twin voice can be the equivalent of putting your guard up. And this instinct definitely grows over time, and experience. Think back to your first relationship, there's probably lots of things you would either be more patient about, or wait to say compared to now. There's a lot you have learned, and this inner voice makes a guest appearance whenever it tries to remind you of one of those things. So is it really, all that bad? Is it useful to be reminded of the last time you may have dove in head first without weighing the pros and cons?
Smells like good ol' balance.
But hear me out, I would never tell anyone that putting yourself down is a good thing. But I do think that understanding why your evil twin voice is speaking to you is important. And I also think that listening to it, as harsh as it may be, can be beneficial to help overcome any fears or self doubt, by then talking about it openly with your support system. Here's the important piece: why aren't we talking about this more, considering the majority of humans have this built-in instinct? If Nick Kroll, famous and highly wealthy comedian is saying his inner voice puts him down when he looks in a mirror, why should anyone be ashamed to admit that this happens to them as well? I realize I may be sharing the secret sauce of what keeps therapists employed but honestly, instead of "seeking validation" from your friends and family with questions like:
"If you were me what would you do?"
"Am I wrong to assume that this looks fishy and I should get the full details in writing?"
"Does your boss email you at 10pm on a Friday or is that just me?"
Can we flip the script and change some of these conversation starters to...
"I was feeling really excited and then I started to wonder a few things like how this will impact my routine."
"I'd say I'm 75% excited and 25% nervous but only because I was reminded of the time I last started at a new company..."
"I really hope the work/life balance is as good as they say it is, because it just seems like you never know until you start at a new company."
These are all completely valid feelings and I have no doubt that any of my close friends would respond to them positively, and support. The benefit of this is not only one-sided, it's not only to push those thoughts of self-doubt away, but you will also develop a better connection with your support system. They will feel the benefit of being able to talk to you about these things as well, and likely reach out back to you whenever they need. That's the whole point of the system, it works together, not just on a one way street.
All in all, the negative voice in your head can be rude, yes. But it will likely grow in frequency, and severity if 1. you don't address it (knowing why it's there) and 2. you don't talk about it. As much as life would seem so much easier with ✨ positive vibes only✨ humans thrive on balance. You need some good with the bad, and have an escape route when a door closes, that's why they say a window opens.
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